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Hey everyone. I've moved blogs. You can now find me here. Please update your links as I'll be deleting my journal soon.

Rachxx

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missing him...

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Today I went to *the* Madness. Also known as Summer Madness. It was great!! One day only. This time last year I met Mary for the first time! I nearly killed one of the people I went with. He is two years younger than me and I have voted him “grumpy old man”, he moans about everything, and I mean *e*v*e*r*y*d*a*m*n*t*h*i*n*g*. He has told me to come and see him when I’m single… Yeah, not gonna happen. Ever. I’d rather die may work better.

Sorry, where was I? Yes, Summer Madness. I thought it would be ok to go in my favourite footwear. Flip-flops. It rained. Yay! I got a new devotional book because I’m a tad fed-up with “The Word 4u 2day” – and don’t get me started on the title!! So I picked up “Breakfast With God”. Bit of an inappropriate title, as my quiet times tend to be just before bed as a chilling down and processing the day kind of activity. 120 wee things so I’ll have it for a while but if anyone could recommend a good devotional thing which doesn’t give you “10 ways to bag that guy” (already got one, thanks ;)) or “Which colour suits you most” – I don’t read teen girl magazines for that very reason.

The highlight is not hard to pick. It was listening to Daryl Scott – the father of Rachel Joy Scott. http://www.rachelscott.com/ A girl killed in the Columbine high school shooting in 1999. He talked about the challenge Rachel left the world through her diaries – to start a chain reaction. She was, of course, talking about a chain reaction of random acts of kindness. At the same time, around a month before her death, her killers were also talking about starting a chain reaction but these neo-nazis certainly had a different type of chain reaction in mind. They went into their high school on Hitler’s birthday and the only reason more lives were not lost was the failure of many bombs they planted. They killed twelve students and one teacher, singling out Rachel and others for being Christian. I’ve read two of the books and am a bit through the third. It is unbelievable.

Rachel was aware that she would not live beyond twenty and a year before her death she wrote in her journal something along the lines of “This is my last year. I have gotten what I can. Thank you.” Twenty minutes before she died she drew a picture of two eyes out which thirteen clear tears fell before the drops turned into blood which then watered a rose - http://www.rachelscott.com/AboutRachelScott/DrawingsRachelsTears.htm. Thirteen people died that day. One teacher. Twelve students. Similarities with 2000 years ago? They keep coming… Instead of three denials of Christ before three of those who were shot at (not all died) were asked if they were Christian in the time before the shooting and they said yes. Five minutes or so after the first shoots fled through her body Rachel was asked if she was a Christian by one of the two boys, she was shot moments later, execution style, after saying “You know I am.” The teacher was shot in the back, just as Christ was whipped in the back, before he crawled to the only classroom in the high school with a human skull inside it. Golgotha – the place of the skull.

It was incredibly challenging and certainly food for thought. I had no idea he was even talking! Wonderful.

I have to say, there was definitely a lowlight. Seeing all those damn couples absolutely everywhere. I’m missing Tim more than I thought was possible. I mean, he is an absolutely wonderful guy and, yeah, I love him. *blush* I’m still guarding myself from all of this – I’m so unsure, why on earth would this guy pick me – the difficult NI chick over everyone else? I just didn’t think it was at all possible to either feel so much for this guy who I haven’t even met or to miss him so much when he goes away. I still jump for the phone when it rings after 8 o’clock. Just wishing it was him. Seeing couples all over one another just kinda sets me off. Mark was doing a seminar for Athletics in Action or whatever it was today and we went in to see what it was about – we hung around for a bit, soon to realise there was a speed dating thing on afterward! Not forgetting the foam party tomorrow night if anyone is interested. I was told, by the grumpy old man™ that someone told him Summer Madness was one of the biggest causes of teen pregnancies in NI… Hmmm… Well, I certainly heard all about the guys and girls sleeping in the same tent etc but… Whatever.

Sorry, I have clearly blabbered on enough.

Catch you later

Rachxx

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accomplished

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5 days. (I was away on duke of ed for two days and was preparing for duke of ed the day before.)  15 black bags and 12 smaller carrier bags in the dump. 2 black bin bags and 2 boxes for charity with a large proportion of the spare room full of stuff that has to be sorted through by mum if she wishes to keep any of it or else it can go to charity. I'm exhausted but I feel so productive!! Yay! Here are the pics.

The view from my door...

Bed, bedside table and teddies!

My desk

Book corner

The only two things on my wardrobe flower except my Duke of Ed stuff (rucksack etc)

The shelves on one side of my wardrobe which were barely visible under all the rubbish or through all the rubbish!

Mr Rice and photos of loved ones (R-L Tim, Anna & Adam, Rose) on the windowsill.

Flowers.

I'm now getting my room re-decorated - should be finished by October!

Next mission(s): To read Pride and Prejudice, to get fit for Duke of Ed and to not kill my sister!

Rachxx

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Every time we say goodbye
I die a little
Every time we say goodbye
I wonder why a little
Why the Gods above me
who must be in the know
Think so little of me
They allow you to go
~ Everytime we say goodbye by countless artists.

Tim leaves today. Well, he left his house around 7 this morning. I've just finished a phonecall with him - only 14 minutes which is an absolute miracle as last night's conversation was around two hours. He's now at the airport. He's under strict instructions to look after himself etc etc. I'm missing him already. :( I mean, I know that these next two months will be incredible and life-changing for both of us - he in Malawi and I in Romania and on duke of ed - but it will be hard. A lot of you will think "What a sap! She's only known him for (nearly) four months and they haven't even met!" - if you're thinking that I don't actually care but it's amazing how quickly the last four months have gone - with exams etc - and how great they have been (relationship wise great anyway!) - I'm hoping the next two go just as quickly. It will be hard.. So if I'm snappy or whatever please give me patience and I apologise in advance.

Rachxx

PS I realise little of that made any sort of sense whatsoever but, hey, I'm too upset right now to worry about silly things like making sense..

PPS Back to tidying my bedroom....

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My mum this is. I've decided to tidy my room. I can't continue the task until Sunday and properly until Monday. Tomorrow I have stuff to buy for duke of ed and in the evening I'm "starring" *coughs* in a fashion show. Friday morning I set off on a duke of ed practice - returning on Saturday evening. Sunday I am just out at church and talking to Tim. Monday evening I have a duke of ed meeting and saying goodbye to Tim... *sniff sniff*

Anyway... My mum is going to ether (a) have a heart attack or (b) kill me when she sees my room (she's currently out and has yet to see it). I have already got three wash baskets of dirty clothes (some are old clothes being washed so they can be donated), three or four bags of rubbish and three big plastic boxes of stuff to donate... And I haven't started under my bed, one half of my built in (but not walk-in) wardrobe or two thirds of my room.

I'd love to blame Tim coming over for me having to make my room this messy in the tidying process but I want to get it painted! He are current pictures of it....

I'm just waiting for the onslaught of WW3.....

Rachxx

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nap time...

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... but it's 200 days to Christmas and 202 days until Tim arrives (Tim's previous statistics were wrong!)

Looking forward to ripping off that page of the calendar in December..

Ok, so, I've decided I'm changing my subjects. I am no longer doing biology or chemstry as I don't want to go into medicine anymore and I wouldn't enjoy either biology or chemistry to justify doing them next year. Instead I am going to do psychology and RS along with English lit and geography. So, let's see where that gets me!

I'm over halfway through my exams. Twelve on and nine to go. That's the written exams! Here's a wee summary of them...

Ad maths 1 (pure): Ok, one yucky question but the Methody lot found it really hard.

Ad maths 2 (mechanics and statistics): Oh, absolutely disgusting! I got bogged down on the probability question from hell (well, a deeper hell than the rest of them) so I could only do two of the remaining four questions. The two I chose not to do were ones I am not as strong with.

English lit: Ok, I chose a question on Crooks from Of Mice and Men, the role of music and dancing in Dancing at Lughnasa and "To Autumn" and "The Darkling Thrush" in poetry.

Religious Studies: (may as well do both together) Both ok. Had to re-tell the Parable of the Good Samaritan. Both papers (the Life of Jesus and church course and the second paper on morality) were ok.

Home Ec: Again, ok. A random 2 page question at the end on the role of protein but I managed it!

Biology Paper 1: Oh. My. Goodness. Revising two years for that exam in which the second question showed five pictures of a snail, a millipede, an ant, a wasp and a spider and (using a key) we had to say which picture showed which creature. The key was completely superfluous and as we were told how much harder the double award paper was we were petrified of what the second paper was going to be like... Especially as so much of the course did not appear on this first paper...

English: Again, may as well do both exams together. The first was a comprehension on another of Brian Freil's books (Dancing at Lughnasa, the play I studied for English literature, was also written by him) and he seems a bit obsessed with the names Kate, Maggie, Aggie and Rose for aunts though! There was also an essay at the end discussing points raised on several comments on exercise for young people becoming compulsory. Today's English was fnie - you had to write a letter to the editor of a newspaper concerning litter in your area. The second section was comparing and contrasting a diary entry from a father who has given up smoking and that "Every cigarette is doing you damage" leaflet. I find both subjects easy enough to write about.

Geography 1: On themes A, B and C. The physical geography aspects - Earth structure, weather and ecosystems. It could have been so much worse! Every year, every past paper I have ever done on paper 1 has had either had depressions or anticyclones and weather instruments. I got unto the second theme and thought "oh crap! I haven't answered a question on depressions/anticyclones or weather instruments" and frantically flipped back so find the 'missed out' page. They didn't ask anything on them! And I'd spent so long learning it all!!! *gah*

Biology 2: So, we went in expecting the paper from hell but... What has happened at CCEA?! I suppose they have just got a new chief examiner-  the Devil himself has given up I see (well, in this subject anyway!). It could have been so much worse. A lot of the detialed things we were told to learn just wasn't on the paper and it was mainly data response and using your knowledge to apply it to the example.

Maths 1 (non calculator) : Hard! I sat for half an hour of the two hour paper just looking at the last question (had the rest of the paper done, don't worry!). "The volume of a cone and it's curved surface area are equal in numerical value. Show that the following equation is true." How on earth they got that equation I do not know! I worked from the equations to get the equation, didn't quite get there, so I then worked backwards. I figure mathod marks may work here - I'm probably missing only a line or two of formula... *crosses fingers etc*

Well, French listening tomorrow and then I've six exams in four days... All of which need revision for! If I survive next week I've only two left and I'll update on Thursday night...

Rachxx

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[	music	|	Tim on the phone	]

Ok, you are all too clever. Tim is coming to visit at Christmas. He'll be arriving sometime on the 27th and leaving on the 1st or 2nd. My mum invited him over as she didn't think it was fair us talking but never meeting. My dad agreed to let him stay - in the playhouse (a shedlike construction inhabited by bugs and garden furniture with two bolts on the outside of the door... ahem) - we'll see if I can get him in the den which should be ok because it's at the opposite end of the house and can only be accessed by a creaky staircase and a loud door. My mum has told her two best friends ("aunts") who have insisted on meeting him to see if he's suitable - I'm not sure whether I should be more worried about my aunts or my aunt's husbands who are in the army....

What am I going to do for a week in this place? 238 days to go....

Rachxx

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happyhappyhappyhappyhappytalk

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You guys are gonna have to forgive me as I begin my countdown to Christmas! Most of my contemporaries are counting down untill the end of June and I suppose I am doing that too. I was also counting down until I leave school altogether! But no, both of those countdowns have been thrown to the side. I am counting down to Christmas.

You are probably thinking "Ok, someone needs to have a word with Rachael about Santa" but no, I am fully aware that he exists whether you choose to believe me or live a lie I don't mind! :-D  Ok, seriously now, why could I be looking forward to Christmas? Why am I wishing for the dark and dreary days when the sun is shining outside?

I'm going to leave it there.... All guesses welcome... hehe

Rachxx

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A good nap. And on that note I'm away....

Rachxx

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Ok chickitees (I'm going to miss my geography teacher!) a wee update.

• Firstly, anyone who had links to my poetry/writing blog on blogger please delete your links. I've deleted that blog.
• Anyone who is interested in the stuff I write can check out my website. Linky link
• I have fixed up the links that you see at the top of this screen and in my profile so they're all sorted now. It's mainly all my favourties on this computer as we're finally getting new hard drives and uploaded to Windows XP after the hard drive on the study computer wiped itself or something and had to be replaced.
• Finally, the whole faith thing has kicked off again. I've restarted both prayer journals and am trying to restart my nighttime routine. That won't include any Bible reading at the moment because I'm a bit busy with exams but I'm following my devotions thing again.

Take care

Rachxx

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thoughtful and hungry!

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I'm in the midst of exams, well, I've done two written with nineteen to go! But you know what I mean - busy! This time next month they'll all be over though! Wohoo! Anyway, back to the title...

I'm at that stage which I get to far too often! I've finally "woken up" and realised that I haven't done anything "Christiany" for a while. I've not been in a full church service - I've been on kidzone where the only wisdom I get is things like "Liar, Liar pants on fire AND you smell like a telephone wire!". As profound as Jack (the rhymer) is I need more than that! I used to keep a prayer journal because I tend to go off on tangents when I talk so writing helps me say what I want to say. But I've got out of that before-bedtime ritual, mainly because I'm just so tired after a long day! And it doesn't feel right for me to do it at any other time of the day - I'm at my best at night and most reflective. I tend to take advantage f my bus journey to school in the morning to ponder things a bit but, being on study leave, I'm rarely on the bus in the morning and don't do it when I'm not on a bus. Last year I did a whole "reading the Bible in a year" thing and now I'm out of that I'm not reading my Bible - I want to I've just no idea where to start. May try to read Psalms or Hebrews or something as they are my favourite books.

At the end of the day I need to get a kick up the ass from somewhere - I'm just finding it hard getting into the swing of things again and I feel guilty with the image of me running back with my tail between my legs now that exam time is here.

I realise that not all of my readers lean towards Christianity, if they lean towards any faith at all, and I'm not getting out a big Bible to hit you over the head with. I respect that my faith may not be for you and, to quote Kate from my English lit "Dancing at Lugnasa" text(exam on Wednesday) "...(he) must make his own distinctive spiritual search" (the "he" referring to her brother, Father Jack who went out to Africa to convert and ended up converted himself!) - I wish you all the best on your search and thank you for reading my rambling thoughts on mine that I am expressing on a Sunday evening while debating what culinary delight I'll cook for my tea.

All the best

Rachxx

PS - I'm on my second attempt of reading Pride & Prejudice and this time I'm getting into the story a bit more!

You are a
protector.
Yes, you don't like to kill people. That goes
against everything you belive in. It's not that
you are a coward, but your ideals and morals
wouldn't allow it. You are the typical hero, do
the righteous things, get the bad guys and do
it all legally. But just because you don't kill
doesn't mean you can't kick ass. And that is
what you do. You use your brain and your
strenght to do honourable deeds and protect
people you know and love. If an evil guy is
going to take over the world soon, it's you who
will get involved. You hate watching innocents
suffer, and love seeing bad people getting what
they deserve. You are probably also happy and
optimistic and work pretty good in groups. And
the friends you usually make are true ones.

Main weapon: Anything at all
Quote: "You only live once, but if
you do it right, once is enough" -Joe
Lewis
Facial expression: Smile

I am now on study leave. I have been since Thursday. Contrary to popular believe some people do do work on study leave! I have only two exams this week - pure ad maths on Tuesday and mechanics and statistics ad maths on Thursday! And that's ad maths finished with!! I'm not even going to pretend to be sad!!

On the subject of stupid drivers... I was walking down the road on Tuesday. My road is a wee country road and there is only a small bit of it which has pavement. A lot of it has a verge which you can walk on but the bit I'm tlking about it one of the few sections without a verge of any sort. There were cars going both directions. Now, yes, I was walking on the "wrong" side of the road technically speaking but that is the safer side - the "right" side for wakling down is so much more dangerous - it would be lethal. So the car that was coming up behind me didn't wait for the car on the other side to pass before over taking me - you know, going wide. It didn't miss me! It rammed into me and it's wing mirror snapped. It didn't stop. It didn't even slow down! You couldn't *not* have heard the bang of their wing mirror! So my arm wrecked!! And the way I was hit I kind of twisted back so my neck and back was sore... I'm all better. I didn't go to hospital (regardless of many "get your butt down there now"s).

Catch you later

Rachxx

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Well, apologies for lack of updates but I have been rather busy. I promise. You know, oncoming exams and such. At 9 this evening (it is currently 9:45) I hung up after talking to Tim and I'm still smiling... There were some interesting ideas in the conversation which require some thought... :D I am also at the time of writing this bopping along to the songs which are on "The Top 100 Singles of All Time" on Channel 4. So if things don't make a great deal of sense you'll know why.

(The Buggles) On Monday morning I set out to walk 9.5 miles of Belfast City Marathon. The only training I had done was a 12 mile walk a few weeks previous. The two eejits at the check point just before the 9.5 turn off  didn't say it was the turn off so we kept walking. It didn't seem right to do only 17 miles (the next stage) so we finished it. I was probably close to being charged with indecent exposure going down the shore road and at one point we were in Hollywood! BUT we did not do 26.2 miles. As is the nature of NI there was a bomb scare and so there was a mile diversion! I've recovered now.. Just about... Could barely walk! It took 7 hours and 53 minutes. I reckon I'll do it again next year - anyone up for walking it with me?

(Pretty Woman) I have now got some new glasses. They apparently make me look intelligent - something would need to!! See for yourself: here. I'd like your opinions on it - so far I've had one terribly biased opinion on it which is silly and untrue! (That would be you I'm talking about Tim.)

In my bedroom there is a scale of 1-10. 1 being absolutely perfect and 10 being unlivable. It's only really when my room gets to 11 that I tidy it. Today it was definately an 11... Possibly even a 12!! So I tidied it. You can see a whole 0.5 metre squared area of carpet!! I'm shocked!!! If anyone feels like a challenge try to organise me!!

Anyhow... I have my first GCSE this week - my french oral. It is from 9.30 to 10 on Wednesday morning so, if it is your tradition, any prayers would be appreciated.

It is 10 past 10 now... and I'm still smiling!!! (and Take That, Back for Good is now playing...)

Rachxx

Ever had someone cry while talking to you..? I'm not talking about face to face talking but on the phone. Have you ever heard their breath and it change as they sigh and the tears fall? Have you ever wished with every bone in you body that you could be with them, to hold them, to hug them and to wipe away their tears...? That's how I feel tonight and it is dreadful. I feel so utterly helpless...

Here's a section taken from here

"The way their tears
make you want to
change the world
so that it
doesn't hurt her(/him) anymore.....
Yet regardless
if you love them,
hate them,
wish they would die
or
know that you would die
without them ...
it matters not....................
Because once in your life,
whatever they were to the world
they become everything to you.
When you look them in the eyes,
traveling to
the depths of their souls
and
you say a million things
without trace of a sound,
you know that your own life
is inevitable consumed
within the rhythmic beatings
of her very heart.
We love them for a million reasons,
No paper would do it justice.
It is a thing not of the mind
but of the heart.
A feeling.
Only felt."

That's me tonight.

Apologies to all you people who are probably reaching for a sick-bag right now but my blog, my rules, my feelings. Tough.

Rachxx